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Its a girls world
03 May 2011 @ 01:49 pm
The pain was there but I could barely feel it.
It was quick like a brick through a window pane.
I ran away from the feeling.
The feeling of the pain seeping from my bleeding heart.
So I left the dagger in its place,
in a way it was a numbing grace.
Living in a masquerade with a smile I didn't even recognize.
Hiding beneath the layers of a broken heart.
I wasn't being rational but delusional.
Believing denial was the only way but now I know.
He is the only one I will ever love unconditionally with this tainted heart.
I hear people talking saying keep them apart.
But I turn a deaf ear because I wont ignore my heart.
Maybe its better the second time.
And he will realize that he is my forever and always.
Honestly, all is doubtful because I blew it.
Therefore I need to learn to breathe on my own.
Yet the pain is still there.
Its a girls world
20 June 2010 @ 09:12 pm
Life is funny sometimes it can push you really hard like when you fall for someone and they forget to love you back. And it just feels worst when you expect more of someone. You take the risk and open your heart; letting your most vulnerable feelings rise to the surface. In hope that in return you are given the same. But in reality that never happens; trust is a lie. I guess I understand why some people play hard to get now, because they want to be sure that person's feelings are real. We could all use a little hope sometimes, ya know? That feeling that everything is gonna be okay, and that someone is there to help make sure of that.
Its a girls world
12 August 2009 @ 11:01 pm
George Bernard Shaw wrote "there's two tragedies in life; one is losing your hearts desire and the other is gaining it"

This year has only just begun, and I have gotten everything I have ever wanted, however, in the end I have lost alot more. Shaw says losing your hearts desire is tragic. But gaining your hearts desire, is all some of us can hope for. I wished for love. Unfortunately it wasn't granted. I want to immerse myself in someone else and to wake a heart long afraid to feel. If gaining that feeling is tragic, then, I say give me tragedy. However, some things Shaw says are true. As we try to grasp the things we desire, the things we believe will make our lives better... We ignore what truly matters, friends, family, and love. The things we most likely already had. Some will claim that Shaw is fool, because no matter what tragedies occur. Because of something bad, are u going to quit? no! of course not. ( i know I wont) I realized hearts break and that pain is real. The confusion and fear.. is there to remind me that there's something better. Something worth fighting for. So I guess the real question is which is worst? To lose or to gain your hearts desire. I say to never gain your hearts desire. Never receiving the feeling to be loved, to find somebody that makes your heart ache in a good way… to feel understood. And if you never get to gain that feeling, then I feel sorry for you. Because as far as I know, that's what its all about and thats what it should be about. I lost my way, a little bit, last year. But… lately it’s been better. You know, it’s pretty amazing how… temptation can be silenced by a ray of hope. And when the face to that hope is a boy’s face, I guess, for me, hope comes with trust issues too.
Its a girls world
13 August 2008 @ 10:13 pm
Hey Everyone. I know its has been many months since I have written and for that I do apologize. I guess you can say I've been hiding. You know how a turtle goes into its shell when it is scared. Yeah, well I do the same thing. At times things have been really good and others have been, well, bad. I would love to say my life is Fantastic, but that would be a lie. Because some days it really isn't. I don't know about you but when I get upset/irritated/angry my face usually gets red. So then people constantly ask me, "why are your cheeks so rosy?" when I'm are already in a craptastic mood. Does this happen to anybody else? I mean seriously if I could make them not do that I would. I really can't stand fake people, I know you all know what I'm talking about. The type of people who act so sincere and ask you "Whats wrong? Are you okay? Do you want to talk?" When you know they could really careless and they're just nosy and want to know everyone business. Well thats my work. I've tried numerous times to be friendly and nice. But after the countless amount of crap talked about me. And sick and tired of people going through my work notebook. Its pretty sad that I can't even leave my binder at work, without someones nosy little eyes peering through it. I'm throwing in the towel. I will now just not discuss anything but work related items. They want a manager who isn't friendly then that is how it will be. Game on Bitch.
Like I said, my life can be pretty darn fantastic! And I don't think it could be possible without the love of my life, Jacob. He is absolutely the most amazing man ever. And I am so incredibly thankful that he is mine. When I'm frustrated, he listens to me vent and always tells me things will be okay and that he loves me. Which may not seem like a whole lot to you, but it means the world to me. Because I know having him in my life, everything will always be better. I want to experience everything with him, he is the one I want beside me when all my dreams come true. I hope to one day call him my husband. Now let me tell you one thing he did for me. As most of you know, my favorite TV Show is "One Tree Hill". Well Jacob took me to Wilmington, NC two weeks after the season five finale. And the river court was still painting with what Peyton wrote in the season finale for Lucas. We got to go on a tour of the set at Screen Gem Studios. It was absolutely amazing. I got to see Naley's house, The guys (Mouth, Skills, Fergie, Junk) apartment, High School locker room, Lucas' office, Haleys classroom, and hallway w/ lockers. They only opened 2 sound stages on the tour. However, since they tape all over Wilmington, I did research before we left on the trip and found places around the city. Like Clothes Over Bros, the river court, the bridge, outside of houses (Brooke, Peyton, Lucas, and Felix), Tric, and Keith's Shop. I have more pictures if you care to see, just ask :)

and I figured I would show you the love of my life also :) And no we didn't plan on matching just happened lol
Current Location: Virginia Beach
Current Mood: discontentdiscontent
Current Music: "No Good" Kate Voegele
Its a girls world
26 December 2007 @ 09:33 pm
So many stars in the sky, too many lonely nights.
Just a lonely girl in the world
Nothing more than a toy to a boy.
Sadness is just pouring in, but can't find a tear to cry.
No tears to cry.
The cut keeps bleeding, yet we keep it covered.
So we don't hurt each other.
Another day goes by, and day turns to night.
Such a lonely world we're living in.
Explain to me Karma, Explain to me Soul.
Too many questions left unanswered.
Wheres the joy in the world?
The pain inside is all we have.
No one hears the silent screams.
Current Location: Virginia Beach, VA
Current Mood: exhaustedexhausted
Current Music: Bryan Greenberg "waiting for now"
Its a girls world
01 December 2007 @ 08:21 pm
People say things as a joke but are they truly meant to be taken that way? Or is this what they really think? Sometimes its hard to tell if people are just trying to spare your feelings when they notice you're upset. Instead of confrontation they run from it and say "oh, I was only joking."

To me, it feels worse when you expect more from somebody. Especially if it's someone you care about and were honest enough to let them see the real you. When you've let this person in and past all the bluster you give everyone else.
Current Mood: discontentdiscontent
Its a girls world
11 November 2007 @ 03:45 pm
You're an Passionate Kisser

For you, kissing is about all about following your urges
If someone's hot, you'll go in for the kiss - end of story
You can keep any relationship hot with your steamy kisses
A total spark plug - your kisses are bound to get you in trouble

You Should Wear Pale Pink Lipstick

Sweet, sassy, and a little bit retro.

Your look: Innocent Sex Kitten

Your signature lip gloss flavor: Bubble Gum

You are a Career Girl!

You may not be a CEO yet, but you're well on your way to success.
You take your career seriously, and you wouldn't stop working for any guy!
An independent woman, you pay for your own car, clothes, and housing.
And men appreciate that - at least, the ones as driven as you are.

Your Inner Eye Color Is Blue

You've got the personality of a blue eyed women
You're intense and expressive - and always on the go
You've also got a sweet, playful side - which draws men in

Your Cell Phone Etiquette is 49% Bad, 51% Good

Your cell phone manners are simply okay. Sometimes you can be very considerate.
But when you are in the middle of an important conversation, all rules go out the window!

You are a Playful Date

Your dating philosophy?
"Fun first, romance later"
You rather scream on a roller coaster...
Then stare in to some guy's eyes over dinner.

Guys to look for:
Men with humorous profiles and quirky interests
Sure that business suit guy may look boring...
But if he likes snowball fights, give him a try

Toxic by Britney Spears

"It's getting late
To give you up
I took a sip
From my devil cup
It's taking over me"

Ah, what's a year without breaking a few hearts? Literally.

Your Driving Is is: 74% Male, 26% Female

According to studies, you generally drive like a typical male.
You're confident in your driving skills, and hardly any situation gets the better of you.
And while you may have a few tickets under your belt, you're still a very good driver.
Current Mood: boredbored
Its a girls world
15 October 2007 @ 10:10 pm
If only I could tell you how I feel,
To show you something real.
But I'm too scared to put myself out there,
Because the rejection hurt enough the first time around.

I wish I knew what to do.
About spilling my guts you.
To play it safe or take a chance.
Or is it time to just let go.

You are the one, I keep thinking of.
And I can't even tell you why.
But you keep finding your way, your way into my mind.
I know life is what we make it.
But am I crazy for wanting to spend it with you?

I wish I knew what to do.
About spilling my guts to you.
To play it safe or take a chance.
Or is it time to just let go.

There have been ups and downs,
We've shared both smiles and frowns.
At times I have cried, but now my eyes are dry.
And with that said.
I'd give us try.
Current Mood: pensivepensive
Its a girls world
15 October 2007 @ 07:34 pm
Edmond Burke once wrote; "Sin has many tools, but a lie is the handle which fits them all."
Current Mood: okayokay
Its a girls world
31 August 2007 @ 10:33 pm
Stepping up. A simple concept, that means to raise above yourself. To do a little more, to show yourself something special. People in my life are gone, but life isn't over, matter of fact, I'd say its just beginning. So you might stay out of my way for a while. You know life is funny sometimes, it can push you really hard. Like when you fall inlove with someone and they forget to love you back. Or when your boyfriend and your bestfriend leave you all alone. Or when you pull the trigger or light the flame and you cant take it back.. In sports they call this "Stepping Up" but in life I call this "Pushing Back". You know its been said that we don't recognize the signaficant moments of our life while its happening. We replace it with ideas, things, or people and we take them for granted. And its not til that its about to be taking away from you that you really realize how wrong you've been and you realize how much you need it. How much you love it. Ever heard the expression that the best things in life are free? Well that expression is true.
Current Mood: accomplishedaccomplished